A cliché we randomly use.
I learned the REAL meaning of that cliché.
Naively and without discernment…
I placed my trust in the hands of the wrong undeserving person who had no intention of protecting my heart or valuing my soul or my life.
I felt I died….
From humiliation and embarrassment.
Because I did not protect myself or listen to my intuition.
Because I betrayed my own self.
Because I was betrayed on every level inhumanely possible.
From the distress and fear he had introduced in my life with his cruel careless abuse, imagined power and perceived control.
*THAT was my wake up call*
That was a shake up to wake up!
I needed to WAKE UP!!
Robbie getting sick and coming to stay with me to care for him…ironically…saved me…but I could not save him…my friend died from Cancer in April 2019.
I felt I died….
A million times watching him deteriorate before my very eyes, disappear and die.
Because I could not help him breathe.
When he asked me to help him go away gracefully…and I couldn’t.
Because I was not with him when he actually died.
Because I had to do this all by myself…God and me.
Because I was afraid.
Because I did not think I could survive another day.
I died a million times from the heartache and grief.
I felt I died….
Because the person I was didn’t exist anymore.
Because I missed her.
I felt my spirit died.
It has been an arduously long painful journey for me…still a work in progress.
Robbie dying…I wish I could change that.
I know that is wistful thinking on my part…he played a very important part in reminding me of who I am.
The rest…I would not want to change ANY of it because this was my unique path.
It was imperative for it to happen just the way it did to get me to where I am…to who I am today.
I had to be reminded….
Who I really am.
What I am really made of.
My Spirit can never die, be turned off or be killed off…EVER!
The Divine has my back.
I just had to be reminded of who I TRULY am.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…has a REAL meaning to me.
The greatest part of the last 5 years were the hard core much needed lessons…my PhD in Life.
I know…
We are not alone…on my journey I found plenty of us going through the same pain…it is in that we can find solace.
