Emotional abusers are ALL the same and survivors are also ALL the same.
Survivors can relate and resonate with each others story.
Emotional abusers also can relate to each other but they don’t have support groups for abusive people🙃
Their own denial supports them fully.
The feelings are the same…
The pain is the same…
The grief is the same…
And the pain of the betrayal is also the same and will not disappear just because you want it to.
People who are emotionally abusive also feel pain…Ironically they are the cause of that pain…they feel it too…but only because it affects them and causes them discomfort…not because they hurt YOU.
They just won’t admit or take accountability for any of it.
When you admit to something you have to claim responsibility…
That ain’t happening with an emotional manipulator.
They just don’t know how to process, deal or stop themselves.
Their defense mechanisms are toxic and life long patterns.
THIS is how they deal with EVERYTHING.
This statement is not to excuse their bad behaviors…it’s just a FACT!
What they do works for them… temporarily…it’s a temporary fix to a chronic problem.
By definition…
Chronic…long-lasting and difficult to eradicate.
A chronic problem is one that they have always lived with.
They cause it so they have to live and deal with it.
It’s a cycle they have ALWAYS lived with.
Conflicts occur in any relationships.
The way that they deal with conflicts is what is toxic.
Denial…is not a solution.
Gaslighting…is not a solution.
Projection…is not a solution.
Bullshiting…is not a solution.
Aggression…is not a solution.
These are ALL toxic defensive mechanisms.
If someone physically assaults you…even once…it’s a NO GO…if they do it once they will do it again.
But that’s what emotionally abusive people use to get out of conflicts that they have caused themselves.
So how do you respond…
Most times…if you can’t beat them…you join them…that’s first response.
That doesn’t work…
Because they will accelerate the abuse.
You can’t join them at this point so you hush…
That doesn’t work either…because it just gets worse…
Such is the pathology of abuse…the more you tolerate…the worse it gets.
Emotional abusers don’t have boundaries…they will push you to the extreme and then blame you for your reactions to their bad behaviors.
They will accuse you of having normal reactions to their abnormal behaviors.
An example of that…they will accuse you of being jealous after you find them cheating.
No bueno!
So…first identify if you are with an emotionally abusive person.
Second…leave.
Third…leave
Fourth…stay gone.
There is ONLY one solution when you have identified that you are with an emotional manipulator…
Leave and stay gone!
Unless you want a lifelong misery project on your hands.
Emotional abusers don’t change themselves…they just change partners…and repeat behaviors.
Much like re-wearing dirty underwear…they will re-wear dirty underwear and hope for the best.
