We learn through our life experiences…we collect them along the way…like any other young’un I too was a blank slate…
I met my first husband at 18…he was 30.
He was older and hence ‘stable’…I value stability…so…I married him.
I later found out stability was not one of his qualities.
My next experience was Robbie…RIP
Robbie was a man who valued the integrity within a relationship but was not able to participate as a partner…he was emotionally juvenile…why wouldn’t he be…he had experienced NOTHING of any consequence in his life…he was a white boy from Harrison…who ‘started’ his life at 28 when he met me…his words.
I appreciated his commitment to me…he had integrity…I value integrity…so…I married him.
We would grow together and learn together…nope…that’s not how that works…you can’t learn ANYTHING unless you are open to it.
I made major life decisions based on one ‘good’ quality that I ‘liked’..and ignored the rest.
Next…I walked into a natural disaster…a tornado…for no good reason other than I was afraid to be alone…my worst reason yet. His whole past was still sitting on his lap and I was on the last leg of my 24 year old relationship…we could heal each other…right?
Nope…that’s not how that works.
2 fires just start another fire.
This one was going to teach me a lesson of great value to add to my reportoire…or maybe I was going to be a lesson to him to not fuck around with people’s emotions because one day you gonna fuck with the wrong person.
He was noncommittal, emotionally unstable and juvenile, Narcissistic, avoidant and operated from fear, envy and anger…
***Hurting people intentionally just for your entertainment is a Sadistic trait that should not be ignored under ANY circumstance***
He created trauma scars and collected hurt souls like memorabilia…
Isn’t that Satan’s job description…
It gave him a depraved sense of accomplishment.
He placed ALL his past garbage onto my lap…to get me to help him carry the load…
Lots of emotional abuse and anguish for me to process.
I didn’t value emotional abuse…so I decided to stay away…for my own mental health.
I say this not to blame another…by the time we are @50 we ALL come with our own garbage…some worse than others.
And we are responsible for taking out our own garbage.
Not only did I come with my own share of emotional garbage…I also took on other people’s emotional garbage as my own…and carried it around like a pregnant elephant…for years…
Text book Narcissist or just damaged from the lack of healing from past relationships…the end result is still the same…
More emotional carnage.
If we don’t take the time to heal and process our negative experiences we propergate our garbage on to our next relationship.
You cannot place your car keys in the hand of an 8 year old and expect them to not crash your car.
Placing your life into the hands of an emotionally juvenile person is just that.
Emotional maturity comes from learning through our life experiences…you cannot learn this from a book or with an 8 year old mind set.
Sometimes you may think you are doing things ‘by the book’…but remember these other people may not be reading the same book.
The damage caused by other people in your life does not define who you are…
THIS is not who you are…
These people came into your life to remind you of who you are!
So…Remember who you are!
It’s part of our Soul’s growth.
This may not define who you are but THIS certainly will make you ‘redefine’ yourself…because you now remember who YOU are!
PS…
And THAT…my friends…is the reason I’m thinny…
I have finally given birth to that baby elephant 🐘 😉✌️
