Narcissistic caregivers will treat you how no one should EVER be treated…but you don’t know this at the time because you are a child.
***This is who they are***
That ⏫️ sentence will help you keep it REAL and help you heal at a future time by adjusting your magical thinking process…ie…I’m gonna ‘fix’ them or help them feel better about themselves.
They are incapable of processing their own emotions in a ‘healthy’ manner so they project ALL their emotions onto you to carry them.
They make you responsible for how they feel and disregard your feelings.
A simplistic example…
If I am mad at someone or something else…I will take my anger out on YOU…is their modus operandi.
THAT’S how they project ALL their emotions onto you so you can carry their load.
You learn to pussy foot around them and coddle their emotions at the risk of abandoning and ignoring your own…just as they have.
You learn to perceive emotional neglect as a form of love or attachment.
ALWAYS REMEMBER…YOU did not create their problems and you are certainly not responsible for fixing their problems…not at 5 nor at 95.
This⏬️ is your 5 year old magical thinking thought process…
***If I do EVERYTHING they want me to…they will feel better so they will treat me better***
Unfortunately THAT’S not how that works…and that thinking will certainly not work for you as an adult…that’s called magical thinking on your part.
But this is how you get trained for your adult relationships by a Narcissistic caregiver.
Our first experience with a narcissist is almost always with our caregiver…thats how we learn to put our blind trust into the wrong people…and subsequently will indulge in several more of the same ‘wrong’ person relationships throughout our lives until we wake the hell up and recognize a lot of agonizingly similar relationships.
I realized this pattern in myself at 51 only after I experienced that atrocious representation of the same ‘wrong’ personality type.
In hindsight that was a bittersweet experience for me…it opened up my eyes to my WHOLE existence but in a harsh manner.
By the end of that last interaction I realized I had done this before…ALL MY LIFE…this was MY NORMAL.
No one would know because ALL parties involved built a façade for self-preservation around themselves.
I do not look like what I have experienced and neither do they.
None of us are wearing a sign on our forehead.
That’s how narcissism works…it’s an ongoing pattern…they groom you to accommodate their bad behaviors and you imagine the world operates like that because you have not experienced anything different.
We ALL do what we know.
But THAT fact does not negate the emotional damage that they inflict.
A 5 year old mind takes EVERYTHING personally…and it sticks with you.
THAT’S what you call a Core Wound…
The Original Sin…
Our narcissistic caregiver creates this for us.
Just being aware and recognizing the truth without denying it is healing…
It’s not a shameful secret anymore.
The TRUTH will eventually be their biggest antagonist.
And here’s the TRUTH…
It was NEVER my shameful secret…it’s THEIR’S…and I will gladly hand their garbage back to the rightful owners.
Apparently they are A ok with their cruel behaviors but they are just not ok with being called out…and THAT seems to be the BIG issue.
The BIG question…does this behavior EVER end…
It doesn’t ever end until YOU make it STOP…for your own mental health.
And I did…make it STOP!
Once you recognize the facts and once you have the truth staring in your face there’s no ignoring, avoiding or denying this any more.
This is not a conversation you can have with a narcissist…caregiver or otherwise.
You cannot explain to a narcissist that they are behaving badly and hurting you…that just makes the behaviors punitively worse.
You will cause a debilitating narcissistic injury to their fragile broken ego and there will be harsh repercussions…you will be further ‘punished’ by more emotional abuse…or worse.
They are operating from a place of great deal of fear, pain and trauma and all you can do with unhealed trauma is to inflict it onto others.
That’s what hurt people hurt people means…
Until you can deal with the TRUTH!
Truth is NOT a Narcissistic person’s forte…friend…but it is YOURS!
They are all different but the same…the emotional damage they cause to you is the same.
In a nutshell…narcissistic people will try to get a desired reaction from you by negative reinforcement.
Strong boundaries need to be set up with these people…little or NO contact is best.
And learn to recognize red flags.
There will be plenty.
I had to learn to reparent myself and unlearn the garbage and undo the damage caused by these caregivers in my life.
***DNA does not make family***
Another harsh truth.
Forgiveness is a useful tool and method for healing one’s self.
But constant turning the other cheek literally or figuratively is the reason why you are in the same position…repetitively.
If you constantly turn the other cheek you will eventually get slapped across that cheek as well.
Jesus already got that job…
You are off the hook!
At some point constant forgiveness of repetitive nonsense is redundant, meaningless and harmful to YOURSELF…and plain old ‘stupid is as stupid does’.
Your mental health is your responsibility and should be your priority.
I am very proud of who I am, how I far I’ve come and how I managed to salvage the best parts of me…painful as it was… inspite and despite being surrounded by these kind of people.
First…Very firmly I know who I am…and second NO ONE can undermine THAT fact regardless of who they incarnated as in relationship to me.
And lastly and MOST importantly if ANYONE does feel the urge to undermine me, invalidate my feelings, underestimate me or insult my intelligence…Y’all gonna have to suck dick first 😅✌️
