The most difficult part of my healing process was to forgive myself for not leaving despite the many red flags…BIG red banners.
The longer we stay in these types of relationships the longer and harder the recovery.
The deeper the wound the longer the healing process.
In the first month I experienced a very disturbing ‘first’ red flag…the man was stuck in a past relationship…and spoke to me as if I was someone else. That was not the last time he confused me with someone else.
The very basis of a Narcissists disorder is that they are stuck in some trauma…as a child or adult…and relive it every time they are triggered.
There were a lot of obviously dangerous red flags that I would have warned a friend about had they told me this same story…but I chose to ignore them myself.
These are few of the dangerous ones that I chose to ignore and lived to regret it.
Locking us in the bedroom and refusing to give me the passcode… until a year later even though I kept asking for it.
Telling me he had a gun so I should not walk around at night.
Telling me ‘I will never apologize to you…you made me do it’.
These are things I had only seen in a bad Lifetime movie!
I was starring in my own bad Lifetime movie!
These tactics are used by Emotional Abusers to intimidate their target. And that was just the tip of the iceberg.
It has been an arduously painfully time-consuming process to get to a place where I forgave myself for not protecting myself.
This horrendous experience taught me that it was not only important to be able to recognize red flags but it was more important to act upon them.
A Narcissist will teach you how to fluently read bullshit…their love language.
‘Normal’ minds cannot link loving someone with harming them.
But THAT is how a Narcissistic mind works.
Everyday with a Narcissist is a game…of mental gymnastics.
They think they are winning at their cruel game because this is how they live their lives…one game to another.
If they feel you are catching onto their game…they run…but not without dragging you through broken glass.
They HAVE to win at their own game.
In my experience there were no winners or losers…but there are repercussions…
There are ALWAYS repercussions…
And there are ALWAYS Red Flags.
