Reactive abuse…
By definition….
Reactive abuse is an in-the-moment reaction to mistreatment from another person.
When a victim reacts, the abuser uses this reaction to impart further abuse in the form of blame-shifting and gaslighting.
When a person tells you how badly they treated another person…DO NOT disregard that information.
In my case it was a play by play of what was in store for me.
Sometimes they could be just ‘sharing’ their experiences…
In some cases they are using it as a warning…if you do this…I will do that…because I’ve done this before.
Take that warning seriously ⚠️
They are bragging about what they are capable of doing.
Not everyone is abusive…so use your discernment to figure that out.
In my case he was bragging how he ignored his wife for 2 years after the birth of his children because he didn’t want to ‘bother’ with her depression.
His words⏫️ verbatim.
Isn’t that a husband’s job?
To ‘bother’ with why the wife is suffering…
Who does that!
A person who created the problem…THAT’S who!
An emotional abuser THAT’S who does THAT.
That’s called stonewalling.
Stonewalling is when someone refuses to communicate with another person to solve an issue…often in an attempt to control the situation. It can also be called the silent treatment.
They do this because if you are in a vulnerable state you are easier to manipulate…
They do this hoping the issue will pass…and you will forget about it…but YOU are ‘stuck’ with them trying to resolve the issue…
But resolving any issue will NEVER occur…that’s called trauma bonding.
The human mind requires resolution and closure or it spins out of control.
They use this cruel form of manipulation to keep you trapped and stuck.
They do this to avoid accountability and they do this because this is how they deal with EVERYTHING.
Create the problem then duck and run…
How you deal with ANYTHING is how you deal with EVERYTHING.
If you are always late…work, dates, church, meetings etc…you are an unpunctual person.
THAT is who you are…
If you use your manipulations to fuck with people’s mind…you are an emotional manipulator…
THAT is who YOU are…
As simple as that!
How you do ANYTHING is how you do EVERYTHING.
Emotionally Abusive people are bullies and cowards.
This is how they deal with EVERYTHING…
Create duck and run…
Emotional abusers create the problem by treating you badly and then disregard and dismiss your reaction to their abuse…and then treat you as if YOU created the problem and are the one to blame.
Emotional abusers tell on themselves…
Pay attention to their stories…
The way they treated their last partner is pretty much how they will treat you.
Patterns matter…
I didn’t pay attention…
All his past partners were ‘crazy’.
Every last partner he experienced inevitably were ‘crazy’…hmmmm
Isn’t that ironic…how unlucky!
You start feeling a certain kind of way…you are certainly not crazy so you would certainly not act like that crazy ex
That’s the mindset they are hoping for…
Don’t get too excited and ambivalent and lackadaisical…
You ain’t that special…
When you call them out on their bullshit…they run away telling people you are crazy…as a precursor precautionary measure.
I’m very sure you have experienced that…
The perpetrator’s mind is sedimented in this type of an abuse cycle…so YOU will always end up being called crazy…it’s their juvenile method of getting out of the mess they created.
You will soon be crowned the next reigning crazy ex
In their toddler like mind if they call YOU crazy THEY will automatically seem to be the sane one.
If they call you crazy they are convinced other people will also think you are crazy.
You are not the first ‘crazy’ that interacted with them and most certainly won’t be the last.
On a lighter truthful note…
You will eventually have to admit to yourself…you had to be a little nuts to interact with such a person after seeing all the glaring red flags♀️
Hopefully you will realize soon enough you unknowingly fell into their cycle of abuse…
YOU were not the architect of this problem so you certainly are not able to dismantle it either…you were just another available pawn…and now they have moved on to do the same with the next ‘crazy’ pawn.
Because…THIS is who they are!
Your ‘crazy’ reign is short lived but legendary because they will soon use it to trap the next vulnerable unsuspecting easy target…just as they did with you.
Don’t confuse/deny or gaslight yourself…
You were there…you know what they did.
How do I know this…
I participated in it…that’s how…I lived it!
And ALWAYS remember…
***Your ‘normal’ reaction to their abuse is NOT the issue…
THEIR ABUSE IS***
I wish you well on your healing journey from emotional abuse.
The recovery time of dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse is longer than the actual time spent in that misery.
So I consider myself lucky I hadn’t invested that long in it.
But it was a rough long road to get here.
It’s not fun nor easy…certainly not for YOU…but THEY derive quite a bit of pleasure from your pain…until now!
And that’s how that ends…
Huzzah
