The four types of coping mechanisms we use to deal with traumatic experiences are fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
By definition…
Fawning, or people-pleasing response is a coping mechanism individuals develop to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety.
You will hear people pleasers often say things like…
I cannot say no…
I like being nice…
This is just me…
This is who I am…
Actually people pleasing is a trauma response you picked up somewhere along the way in your childhood…because you were so afraid ‘they’ would not like you if you said NO…to be agreeable…to be accommodating…to keep the peace…you will have your own reasons for why you are as you are.
***Somewhere along the line, you decided to become self-sacrificing to please others…I am sacrificing myself to please others and will continue to do so because I want EVERYONE around me to think I’m pleasant…I need EVERYONE to like me.
I’m going to make myself as uncomfortable as possible so that the people around me are comfortable***
THAT⏫️ is YOUR actual decision.
People pleasers think being overly accommodating to others will make themselves more accepted.
Until you learn they will treat you the same either way…badly…and then they want more out of you.
You have a bottomless need to please and they have a bottomless need to take what you are freely offering up.
Chronic people pleasing makes you seem like a push over to people who are looking to take advantage of your vulnerabilities…The takers of this world.
You have placed a BIG Bulls eye on your forehead.
The Narcissist told me this in the first month I met him…you are so kind and loving some man out there is going to take advantage of you…
And then he did!!!!
And boy I was so comforted at what he said…because I heard what I wanted to hear.
I was kind and loving!…the rest of that future prediction was left unheard.
Isn’t that how EVERYONE is ‘supposed’ to be…kind and loving!
My psyche felt comforted by some distorted words of approval from a Narcissist!!!
Life long training by Narcissists…
Their genuine words of approval are almost non-existent…unless they come in a manipulative distorted package.
Imagine how ridiculous that is…it may sound ridiculous now…but that’s how people pleasers live their entire lives…
Twisting themselves into a pretzel to please others.
Narcissists tell on themselves…
Learn to listen to what they are saying…and doing…
You will recognize that their actions do not match their words.
People pleasers are a product of their environment and upbringing.
We act in that way ALL the time…until we identify this toxic response in ourselves.
Learn to say NO…
Saying ‘NO’ to unacceptable behaviors is a way of being kind and protective to yourself in the same way you are being kind ALL THE FUCKING TIME to others.
When you are disagreeable to these type of people…
First they will try to guilt and shame you…
Second they will get angry and loud…to try to instill fear in you…
Learn proper boundaries…
Learn to say no when it makes you uncomfortable.
Recognize who around you will disappear when you say NO to unacceptable behaviors.
***People pleasing is not a virtue***
It’s a mask you created to appear a certain way to others…to be liked.
It stems from your fear of being disliked…of hearing people’s disapproval of you…or perhaps to keep them from leaving.
Release that faulty belief and you will be able to count the genuine Souls around you on one hand駱
