My comparison of the 2 types of pain I had to face.
Losing Robbie was absolutely tragic and heart breaking.
We were a part of each other’s life for almost 30 years.
Getting over the abusive relationship was traumatizing and took a lot of intentional effort on my part to overcome.
Both grief…both pain…but both a different kind of pain.
Both had to be processed as grief.
Both involved me grieving losing a part of ME.
Both left a scar on my heart…for different reasons.
Both changed me.
The grief from being in an abusive relationship is temporary…it’s a process of facing the truth of the situation…the truth of one’s own self.
But there is a definite ending.
The grief we face from losing a loved one is forever…it’s a forever grief.
The pain does get less intense with the passing of time.
But when it hits…it hits like a tsunami and then fades away…till the next time.
Remembering the good memories helps with grief. Sometimes it has the opposite effect…the intensity of each wave varies.
There are no rules to follow for this type of grief.
Trying to remember the good memories with the abusive person is hard.
There were plenty…but the memories and effect of the abuse outweighs the good memories.
Those are now in a Lessons learned never to be repeated folder…to be download when needed.
For me both these life events overlapped each other…leaving me with a huge emotional burden to endure.
There are a long list of unanswered questions about the abuse…some get answered…the rest don’t need to be.
What helped me with my recovery was the research I did on NPD, writing my story and speaking my truth.
I got lucky…not many get to do what I’m doing.
The list of unanswered questions after losing Robbie still remain unanswered…and always will.
Both feel like I was forced to swallow horse pills…one after the other over and over.
Would I trade one for the other?
Both seem pointless and unnecessary.
Both shouldn’t have happened.
I feel I shouldn’t have been part of either…and yet I was smack dab in the middle of both.
They are both a painful past memory.
I have to learn to live with both.
Both are not in my life anymore.
The upside…
Both played a very important part in making me the person I am today.
I’m grateful for that.
With one I saw the World…the other forced me see the World through realistic eyes.
My 2 Pains…Both changed my World.
