Where’s my Baby Boy…
Where’s my Mommy…
Mommy issues…
By definition…
“Mommy issues” is a term used to describe psychological or emotional challenges that can arise from a person’s relationship with their mother or another female figure during childhood or adolescence. These issues can lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships in adulthood.
Do you feel you are constantly getting in relationships where you have to parent your partner…
Two fold problem here…
You are a ‘I am going to fix this’ kinda person by nature and problem #2 you will drawn in partners who are stuck in a Peter Pan syndrome and don’t want to grow up…they are looking for YOU!
Your resume shows proficient parent…theirs does not!
People who need constant direction to complete basic tasks or make very basic moral decisions like being kind, not cheating, not bullying, not lying, or proper hygiene, work ethic, when to wake up and what are their daily responsibilities…basic grown up stuff…basically things they should that have learned from Mommy.
Are you constantly trying to direct a full grown person to make basic juvenile decisions…
You have attached to a person who has mommy issues…and this is probably not your first rodeo.
This is a very basic simplistic point of view…there are many more harmful underlying issues that come with this type of person.
Realistically you have partnered up yourself with a child who needs parenting and you are expecting an adult type relationship with this person.
You are expecting him to be able to ‘take care’ of YOU…you are expecting someone to make daily adult decisions, to be able to communicate with you, handle conflict, you are expecting someone to be on a level playing field with you…and participate as you are…you know…as an adult.
You don’t have the right candidate for the job description you have in mind.
Their perspective…subconsciously.
They are looking for someone to ‘mommy’ them.
And here you are!
Fully qualified for this role.
They are incapable of functioning in real life without constant supervision to do basic everyday stuff…so you find yourself unable to trust them to handle real LIFE!
You will also have to provide them with emotional support, perhaps financial support, moral support, house maid support, cooking cleaning laundry, bookkeeping…etc etc.
In a grown up healthy partnership…you won’t have to teach a person how to love you, to nuture you, to communicate with you, to help you, to support you, not to lie, not to cheat, to basically be a decent human…
A healthy full grown adult comes with all those qualities…as you do.
You are expecting some kind of fair partnership exchange in this dynamic because you are bringing all that to the table…while you are still breastfeeding or spoon feeding this Peter Pan in his highchair.
You are expecting ALL this from an emotionally stunted person…perhaps not even 8 years old…who NEVER plans on growing up…because having a mommy in one form or another for life hits the sweet spot.
Your sweet mothering mindset feels quite useful…at first.
Yup…this is what makes me happy…taking care of someone…and guess what… baby boy is also thinking…sweet…another Mommy!
You have just signed adoption papers…
Congratulations!!
You are the proud parent of Baby Boy!
An overzealous doting mommy or a negligent mommy both can create this same monster.
Guess who is playing that role now…
Yup….YOU!
There are ONLY down sides being in a relationship with Peter Pan.
When you get into conflict or real life issues of any sort and you most certainly will…you have to remember you are depending on an 8 year old mindset at best to assist you.
He’s 7 or 8…he’s going to do what a 7 or 8 year old is capable of doing.
Just as you wouldn’t hand the keys to your car to an 8 year old to drive…the same way you cannot put your human vessel in the hands of someone who will drive both of you off the cliff.
The sexual spark or chemistry in this dynamic will also soon disappear because let’s face it which woman out there wants to have sex with someone she is parenting…those 2 notions don’t go together.
Just something to keep in mind.
So now who’s feeling resentful because NONE of your needs are being met…
Yup…YOU!
Guess who’s feeling overwhelmed and undervalued…
Yup…YOU!
Overwhelmed and undervalued is a mom’s permanent designation.
Guess who’s feeling quite content having another nagging Mommy…who is getting ALL his needs fulfilled…begrudgingly…but still fulfilled.
Yup…Baby Boy!
Both toxic patterns…
Both are responsible for their own healing.
And yes…
Mommy…YOU there crying from exhaustion in the corner…
YOU are NOT responsible to help Baby Boy grow up!
You didn’t create this problem so you are certainly not responsible to fix it.
He’s gonna have to go back to the vagina that he dropped out from for that…
Not YOURS!
