(I found this very interesting explanation of a very common phenomenon that we all experience to some degree at different points in our lives.
I did not write it.
I took factual pertinent excerpts and added my own to it)
Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.
Limerence is not love. It’s not a crush. It’s a crushing obsession with another person — an intense romantic infatuation. There’s no guarantee that a couple’s love that starts with such an intense desire will evolve, and there’s even less of a guarantee that limerence will evolve into true love over time.
Limerence is different from love in that it’s inherently self-indulgent.
It’s all about how this person makes you feel, rather than giving to the other person in a mutually-beneficial way. The other person can do no wrong, and you’re sure that the two of you were meant to be. It’s destiny, in your mind. You can’t see yourself clearly either — you feel incomplete without them.
It’s a self made fantasy that may have NOTHING to do with anothers participation.
Why It’s Dangerous to Mistake Limerence for True Love.
The intensity can feel overwhelming, making it hard to enjoy your life in a healthy and normal way.
The hormone and brain chemical cocktail of limerence is powerful. People give away all their money, get married in a rush, move in together or leave friends and family when they’re under the influence, only to come back to reality and find they’ve made a drastic mistake.
Dating sites are full of both sides of the limerence experience.
People prone to these behaviors are more vulnerable to con artists and dating scammers — caught up in the heady rush of feelings they mistake for true love, they’re apt to miss the warning signs.
How to Tell the Difference Between Limerence and Love
The primary difference between limerence and love is that love implies a deep and lasting connection between two people. If you don’t have any real relationship with the person, let alone a romantic one, then you’re not in love.
In limerence, you see your love object as perfect, and ignore who he or she really is.
You don’t really know much about the person as a person. It’s just a fantasy, your perception and a lot of limerence situations don’t last.
Limerence is distinguishable from just a minor attraction by its intensity and the way it can pervade your entire life, at least for a period of time.
There are many signs you’re experiencing limerence.
Almost anything you see reminds you of the object of your obsession. You deeply fear being rejected by them. Seeing them quickens your heartbeat, dampens your palms,and makes your mouth go dry. Being without this person makes you feel incomplete.
All of those signs could be there in a romantic love-like situation, but only if the other person returns your feelings and has told you so. Otherwise, you’re likely just projecting.
It’s very important to truly get to know someone before you get emotionally involved with a perception of the person you have created in your own mind.
And you have to remember people can put up a fake facade for quite a while…but even all that comes to an end.
We ALL put our best foot forward in new relationships.
Fake facades cannot be sustained even by the best fakers.
When that facade drops you get to decide if you are really compatible.
I’ve been in varying degrees on both sides of that experience and duped by the best of the best fake facades.
Some people live in ‘Limerence’ all their lives and hence cannot maintain healthy, realistic, successful relationships. When reality settles in, their own perception gets distorted and disappoints…and then they move on to their next fantasy. It’s very easy to get stuck in this pattern…because it’s like living on an aphrodisiac…but remember when there is a high there is always a crashing low.
Living in reality, trusting your intuition and not ignoring red flags…those are ALL helpful tools to keep you true to yourself…and to the object of your affection.
