Does a label really matter…
I’ve spent a lot of time researching a mental disorder because I needed to understand what I went through and why I went through such an experience.
It has been an eye opening experience, an awakening experience, a soul healing experience…one that I do not regret at all…from start to end…but only in hind sight.
I call it my best worst experience.
My blessing in disguise.
But did it really have to come to that…did I really need to have a ‘good reason’ to leave someone who was treating me poorly?
The right answer is NO.
Shouldn’t it have been ‘good reason’ enough that someone was treating me poorly for me to leave?
Did I need to stay till I got 10 swords stabbed into my back…why did I not leave after one sword was stabbed into my back…what was the self limiting belief that made me wait around for 9 more?
When you are in this cycle you do not realize you are being ’emotionally abused’.
It’s a slow process…like a frog in a pot on ‘slow cook’…you don’t see it or feel it happening.
It’s a life long slow brain washing process that gets progressively worse till you get to where I did.
Hind sight vision is an amazing learning tool.
What he is or isn’t…is not the issue…it certainly is not MY issue.
My issue was staying around long enough to make it my issue.
If it wasn’t him it would have been another emotional manipulator.
This experience has nothing to do with him and EVERYTHING to do with me.
And that’s the good news…
Because that means I’m in control of the outcome.
We ALWAYS are the ones in control of our own path…whether we realize it or not…we just happened to forget THAT vital piece of information.
So did it really need to get to there?
Why was just knowing he treated me badly not good enough reason for me to get up and leave and stay gone.
THAT is a loaded question.
There is a lot of psychology involved in that question.
Cultural beliefs, upbringing, learned nonsensical beliefs from parents, trauma bonding, Codependency on both sides…etc etc…ALL affect your belief system…ALL affect why you stay in unhealthy relationships.
We always focus on learning new things…sometimes we need to focus on unlearning old things.
This experience was my course correction.
I needed to get back on track… somewhere in my childhood I veered off my path and stayed steadfast zooming down the wrong side of the road staring at oncoming traffic…like chicken.
Emotionally abusive people prey on your vulnerabilities and your core wounds.
When you become aware of them…both the abuser and your vulnerabilities lose their hold on you.
So does a label really matter…
Narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, bipolar, just plain old crazy…blah blah blah.
It does help to know and understand what or who you are dealing with…but beyond that…NO.
It was still my responsibility to recognize danger and protect myself from it…not sit in that slow cooker…just like that frog.
Regardless…label or no label… listen to your intuition…don’t argue with it…it will NEVER steer you wrong.
You don’t make excuses for some one else’s bad behaviors…NO MATTER WHAT!!!
In a nutshell…
Labels don’t matter.
Even ‘normal’ people use manipulative tactics to attain a desired result…yes that includes YOU.
Learn to recognize the signs of emotional abusers…they are pathological.
Actions speak louder than words.
Peoples behaviors speak VOLUMES.
Pay attention to your intuition.
Abuse is abuse.
There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for abuse.
