People do what they do in the way they know how to do it, based on who they are and the information that is available to them from their own experiences.
Even our beloved Narcissists, our regular garden variety arseholes, liars, cheaters and adulterers…do what they have experienced…they do what they know.
They interact in the ONLY way they know how…that is the curriculum they are drawing from…their own experience.
Most people who cheat…have been cheated on themselves.
That is probably the only kind of relationships they have experienced.
So why and how would they operate differently?
Based on what?
We ONLY do what we know.
This works exactly the same for people who attract Narcissists or adulterous partners, liars and cheaters, married people etc.
We play out the repetitive behaviors that draw these kind of people in.
We ONLY do what we know.
So unless there is a major shake up in our lives to force us to change our patterns…we will play out the same repetitive patterns over and over…much like insanity.
That insanity ends when you get lucky enough to get dragged through broken glass to shake you up enough to wake you up.
And I don’t use the word ‘lucky’ facetiously…I mean lucky in the true sense of the word… otherwise you could play out this destructive pattern the rest of your life.
This last experience that I went through was not my first Narcissist…there have been several…except that I was not aware about Narcissism when this occured.
Narcissism is a spectrum…not ALL abuse in cycles or seek to harm…some are just extremely selfish.
People with NPD abuse in repetitive cycles and intend on bringing harm to their targets.
And each experience gets steadily worse…as it should…when you refuse to wake up.
Would I have preferred to never have been through such an experience?
Sure…it was horrific…but that was my trajectory…based on my experience.
Had I not been made aware of such people…I would probably still be struggling with the same one, another Narcissist or worse…still being oblivious that such people even exists.
He will certainly not be the last one I come across…but now I can identify them before they go on to suck the life out of me like parasites.
So I am very grateful for this eye opening horrific experience with him.
This was my wake up call…
**I was the common denominator in my own life***
I could not blame anyone else.
The world is full of narcissists, scammers, liars, cheaters…but why was I attracting them into MY life?
Why were MY behaviors attracting these kind of people?
Why had I not protected myself?
I could not deny the obvious any more…it was not a coincidence that I was attracting the same kind of person into my life.
THAT was my Rude Awakening!!!
THAT was my shake up to wake up unless I wanted to repeat that WHOLE performance again and again.
Normal relationships tend to bond on love, trust and respect.
Narcissistic people don’t operate from love or mutual respect, trust or human decency…because it is not within them.
They target people who will offer ALL this to them.
You can only give what you already have within you…love, kindness, care, abuse, cheating whatever it may be
So they have to use another ‘currency’ that they are familiar with to attract and keep their targets.
They use emotional manipulation, trickery, sex, drugs, alcohol, perversion, violence, resources, kids, emotional instability, social circles, social status, jobs, income, homes, finances etc to create a bond with their targets.
Most of those bonds are very difficult to break…for obvious reasons.
I consider myself lucky and it took Divine Intervention to set myself free from the emotional quicksand I had jumped into… headfirst.
Unless you recognize this pattern that you are in…it is impossible to get out of it.
You have to stop living in denial of your reality.
You have to set very strong boundaries for yourself because toxic people have NONE.
We ALL only do what we know.
When we know better we do better.
I had a whole lot of Divine help to get me to where I am today.
For that I am eternally grateful.
Abusers don’t abuse because something is wrong with YOU.
Abusers abuse because they are abusive…that is who they are…that is what they know…they do what they know.
They will repeat the same pattern with the next person.
So remember….
***It’s not Personal***
