I was always afraid of being alone and most things.
I inherited that fear from both parents and perhaps they did from theirs. They lived in fear of life around them.
All my life I attached myself to people…so I never really felt it…but that became a reality when I got divorced…I was alone.
So again…I attached myself to someone…who was going to force turn that karmic wheel…for my own good in a rough way…a forced turn is ALWAYS a rough turn.
That one decision turned my life onto a completely different tregetory.
The turning point of my life…and one of the many defining moments of my life.
We usually have @ 12 defining moments in our life…based on huge life events.
You don’t realize your fears until you have to face them…head on.
You will be presented with experiences that bring your fears to life.
If you are not cognizant you will be fighting those battles till you do become cognizant.
People who I thought were in my life for life…scattered.
Some hung around to hand me concrete blocks.
They were going to come back around when I felt better?
Is that how things work?
And then it got worse…Robbie got sick and I was left to deal with that by myself.
No one wanted to ‘impose’ on me or him or his illness.
And then it got even worse…he died…still no one wanted to ‘impose’.
WOW!!! That was THE defining moment for me…the BIG one!
When people go through rough patches…is that how we ALL react…we do not want to impose? When things get better…people come back around?
I never noticed that pattern before because my life was mostly great.
In the movies when things are rough family and friends corral together for support…does that occur in real life?
I call it my recalibration of people and priorities in my life.
That made me fine tune my surroundings regardless of blood, longevity or purpose.
People who were supposed to be there were not…by their choice…that made room for a better crop of people…dependable people…by my choice.
These defining moments bring out and develop our character, strengths, identity, courage, wisdom, resilience and the power of self.
I was forced to find them ALL.
I have been in training for this my entire life.
My choice…
Never alone…
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2 thoughts on “Home Alone…or Never Alone….”
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Been going through so much of the same things you write about for so long that I have totally isolated and shut down from the world. I just don’t have any faith or hope in human beings anymore.
Hi Nicole…I’m glad your resonate with what I write about…that’s why I share my experience here.
It helps to know that we are not alone in these tough life experiences…it helps to know that we are not alone on this journey…and others go through the same things as we do.
I know it’s very alone and isolating…I know the feeling.
I have had to develop other coping skills to help me…writing was one of them…it helps me express what I am feeling…I didn’t even know I could write untill 5 years ago when I started doing my research on narcissistic abuse.
Try to find a creative outlet…even if it is just writing for yourself…singing, dancing also helps.
You never know what is hiding inside of you to help you cope.
I wish you well my friend on this journey of life.
You are stronger than you think ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙌✌️
Much Love
Paula