There were many things that I felt Heartbroken about in my lifetime…
At 16 my first little boyfriend had to leave the country due to some indiscretions on his part…and then he died in a fatal motorcycle accident…
I did not get any details or closure…just unprocessed grief.
Leaving ones ‘home’ is also heartbreaking…
Wars, divorce, what-not…
Still…more…unprocessed grief…
I have moved through different continents a number of times…
Left most everything behind…each time…
I’m not alone in this…
Many of my contemporaries were in this same position.
I left my life…my memories…my life long mementos to either Saddam or Husni…
Who tf knows…they can both duke it out in Hell!壘
My life in Kuwait has left a different kind of heart break…maybe not even mine.
My Dad went there when he was 18…and was forced to leave at 65…that was rough on him…he was heart broken.
THAT was HIS home!
My Dad died at 73…very young…another person I didn’t get to say goodbye to.
I was heart broken for his broken heart
Of course Robbie dying at 53 in the most unnatural of circumstances was also so very heart breaking to me…still is.
Caring for someone you have loved for over half of your life and then watch him dying before your very eyes is no small feat…nor is it forgettable.
EVERYTHING else…though perhaps important pales in comparison.
It gives you perspective!
ALL the other shit in life pales in comparison…once you watch someone die凉
ALL the other shit…took a back seat.
The abusive situationship also took a back seat…
But I had to still process that experience…eventually.
I don’t consider that situationship a heart break nor a partnership…
But it was a giant jolt to wake the fuck up to what I was entertaining in my life.
I had to recognize the unnecessary drudgery I had allowed in my life…
It was just a 2. year blurb in the realm of my life but it was a very important blurb in the realm of my life…not because of the actual person…if it wasn’t him it could have been another abusive person…but because that was the trajectory I was headed in.
It was time for me to look at a lot of things…correctly…
It forced me to look at and process my lifetime of heart breaks before I realized that this particular experience is actually what is going to save me from more future blunders with the same variety of person.
It was a much needed course correction…
I have been single since 2014…a whole decade.
And what an eye opening decade this has been for me.
During which I wished for many things to have been different.
But I do not think that way any longer…
It was ALL just as it was supposed to be…
I am…NOW…who I am supposed to be…and it took the last decade…maybe a whole lifetime to get me here.
I am grateful to ALL those experiences and I would not trade it for ANYTHING…
It got me to recognize who I am and why I am here…my purpose…and that is something I can hold on to for the rest of my life…
***I am my purpose ***
So remember…
No one is going to save you…
And you don’t NEED anyone to save you…
We don’t need heroes in our lives…we are our own heroes.
YOU are your own Hero in YOUR own story….
Try it…
I am my own Hero…I Tried it!
Heart break…it’s what makes your soul grow…
It made me my own Heartbroken…Hero…and THAT’S no small feat!
