Not having the chance to say goodbye is rough…
Just like forgiveness…it’s for ourselves…not for the dearly departed nor for those who have departed intentionally from our lives.
Having a chance to say goodbye is for the living because we will never know how it affected them…at that final hour.
That’s our own guilt…
But my imagination still troubles me
My own guilt still troubles me.
I had to do it a few too many times in this lifetime…
The most important one’s being Philip, my Dad and Robbie.
Had I been given that opportunity to say goodbye would it have made any difference in how I dealt with my grief…
I do not know…
This has never occurred so it’s not in my memory bank of experiences.
I am left with my own thoughts on that one…plus the fact is they all 3 died alone 
One was tragic…and too young.
One was natural causes and
One was just plain unnecessarily.
But ALL…alone  
I had to also deal with all this…Alone…
Why!!!
Wasn’t I the one still alive…
What happened to all the support that flood around you as we see in the movies…
My ONLY real reference was the movies?
That ‘why’ was also answered…real quick…
NONE of these many stick people in my life were dependable!
That too was a precious time saving realization and another painful gift.
I got to rethink and readjust the meaning of what and who I had once thought as ‘dependable’…and I did…it took 3 deaths…but I did!
I learned this was a solo journey…
We come into this world alone…
We have to learn to heal alone…
And we leave alone…
And what happens in-between…is karmic pot luck…depending on how we have lived our lives and who and what kind of ‘relationships’ we are entangled with at the time.
Best case scenario for me…
I had no choice but to learn to depend on ME!
When you learn to depend on yourself…people’s participation or non- participation does not even matter.
I also learned…I am not alone in this…this is true for a lot of us.
I bet those 3 dead people are also wondering why they died alone
Painful truth…but the truth nonetheless…
Real life…not as in the Movies 
