Just like everyone else…I too wanted the quick and easy way to recover from narcissistic abuse…to end the painful mental turmoil.
There isn’t one…it takes as long as it takes.
There is no linear path to healing from narcissistic trauma…each person’s path is unique depending on their core wounds, the emotional damage caused and the length of time involved with such a person.
It wasn’t easy and there is no exact path…I learned as I went along.
As with most survivors…my first nudge was an article that appeared on my fb feed 6 months before the end.
It described the gist of what I was experiencing.
By that time I was 2 years into it and heading towards a disastrous end.
I had known something was not right from the first month.
One of my best qualities…my persistence…became my downfall…because I hung on to an obviously harmful situation.
By that time I was emotionally spinning out of control.
I did not know which end was up…
I had already started listening to YouTube videos on Narcissistic abuse…but it made no sense.
None of this made any sense.
I listened to Psychopath Free by Jackson McKenzie…
THIS was my story!
Then I started diving in deeper into the research of Narcissistic abuse.
I started writing on support forums and the more I researched the more insane the whole experience seemed.
I would hardly believe this myself had I not experienced it myself.
But that is the definition of a narcissistic relationship…insanity.
Cognitive dissonance is the basis of this relationship…what you see and what you are told or what you tell yourself are 2 different realities…2 realities that are conflicting.
The human mind cannot accept 2 realities without feeling insane…that’s what narcissistic abuse is all about.
Fucking with your reality.
How they behave in private is not how they behave in public…what they say is not what they are doing and what you see they are doing they will not admit to.
That’s fucked up….
Lots of research later…I started sharing my experience on my Blog.
The narcissist will highlight your core wounds by picking at your vulnerabilities…pay attention…they do serve a purpose after all.
Ultimately…that particular narcissist was not even what mattered…if it was not him it would have been another…just like him.
It was ME I had to focus on after all I had allowed such a person into my life…it’s my job to protect my own self.
And that’s the good news…because that means my healing was ALL up to me and what steps I took going forward…my healing was ALL under MY control…NOTHING to do the narcissist…the baker or the candle stick maker
The same persistence…my best quality…that kept me in that situation was the same persistence I used to dig myself out of the emotional quicksand I had jumped into…head first.
So…there are no steps to this process of healing from narcissistic abuse…there is a general direction I can recommend.
First remove yourself from this person’s presence…entirely.
The longer you stay the more damage to your psyche the longer the recovery.
Second research Narcissistic abuse to understand what you went through.
Knowledge is power…the more you know the more you know.
Read about other people’s experiences.
This knowledge will validate your experience…the reason for my Blog.
And pray for guidance from above…you are going to need it… because this is not going to be an easy ride.
I had ignored my very loud intuition the entire time…so I learned to pay attention to my very loud intuition and that has helped me find my way out of the narcissistic haze of insanity.
It’s not at all a pleasant journey but one I can now appreciate in hindsight…what I learned has added immeasurable value to my life going forward.
Time, forgiving, or ignoring the problem does not heal emotional wounds…effort with purpose heals wounds.
Learning and healing work in tandem and is a life long process.
