Forgiveness….
By definition…
Forgiveness is a gift of love and trust to yourself…and others.
It’s not condoning another’s bad behaviors, but releasing your own resentment and anger toward them.
Resentment, disgust, disappointment, anger, sadness, grief etc. are ALL normal feelings after being fucked over…it’s a human response and process…it means you have the capacity to care and love and feel.
You should be more concerned if you are not capable of feeling those feelings…it means you are either a Jeffrey Dahmer or are unhealthily repressing your emotions.
Forgiveness is a very confusing topic for people of faith…
The thought or the pressure of the ‘guilt’ of redemption forces us to forgive people relentlessly.
Y’all jump into my forgiveness bucket today and we’ll do the same fucking thing tomorrow…again…and you don’t even have to apologize.
My innate sense of forgiveness…subconscious as it maybe…my own sense of right or wrong even without the pressure of ‘redemption’ because I am not religiously orthodox in my views has kept me stuck in very difficult situations in my life.
Persistently and repetitively.
***If I forgive people does that mean I have to continue in a relationship with them knowing fully well I will have to forgive them again tomorrow for the same thing***
Read that ⏫️ again…
THAT is not what forgiveness is…THAT is stupidity at it’s finest.
What that means is that I am going to screw up my own life and my own peace of mind so I can constantly stay in a process of forgiveness with this other person/people…because THAT is my understanding of forgiveness.
That is an exhausting place to live in…and unnecessary.
I know…I am thoroughly exhausted…and perhaps you are too.
Until I changed my perspective.
I have had to do that a lot in the last few years of necessary sanity…
Screw around with me once…shame on you!
Screw around with me 10 times and I allow you back around for a repeat performance…shame on me X 9.
At some point I started hearing very clearly in my head…in a very strong Indian accent with the classic head wobble…
Aarray…What are you doing beta?
I’m pretty sure there is a brain in that head of yours…
I know because I put it there!😜✌️
(I know y’all read it with an Indian accent😜)
Forgiving myself for my own indiscretions of constant participation in these type of scenarios was the hardest part.
I had perpetuated my own discomfort.
I did have to do a lot of mind clearing work…part of that is forgiveness…and this process is on-going as long as we are breathing and participating in life.
Am I going to perhaps deal with another similar situation…sure I could.
Am I going to stay in an unpleasant situation indefinitely…promptly NOT!
Am I going to repetitively forgive people over and over…absolutely NOT!
The rest of y’all repetitive arseholes can jump into my fuckit bucket.
At some point your religious perspective has gotta make sense.
I fully understand and acknowledge ‘People ONLY do what they know’
However true that is…I am not required to expose myself to their harmful behaviors until they they ‘figure’ themselves out.
In my experience ‘figuring themselves out’ has NEVER occurred…so good call on my part!
Use your God given gift of discernment on who you allow in your life and who you remove from your life.
God, Allah, Krishna, The Universe, A Higher Power…whatever is your jam ain’t gonna be mad at you for removing harmful people from your life…but He gonna be mad at you for your repetitive stupidity…there will be repetitive repercussions.
My life is a shiny example of just that.
I’ve had to deal with very harsh repercussions because I repetitively made the same wrong decisions.
PS…
This is my life my story my perspective my jam…
It need not be yours.
