By definition…Collateral damage is any injury, or other damage inflicted that is an incidental result of an activity.
We learn through our life experiences…we collect them along the way…like any other youngen I too came with none.
I met my first husband at 18…he was 30.
He was older and hence ‘stable’…I value stability…so…I married him.
I later found out stability was not one of his qualities.
My next experience was Robbie.
Robbie was a man who valued the integrity within a relationship but was not able to participate as a partner…he was emotionally juvenile…why wouldn’t he be…he had experienced NOTHING of any consequence in his life…he was a white boy from Harrison.
I appreciated his commitment to me…he had integrity…I value integrity…so…I married him.
We would grow together and learn together…nope…that’s not how that works…you can’t learn ANYTHING unless you are open to it.
I made major life decisions based on one ‘good’ quality that I ‘liked’..and ignored the rest.
Next…I walked into a natural disaster…for no good reason other than I was afraid to be alone…my worst reason yet. His whole past was still sitting on his lap and I was on the last leg of my 24 year old relationship…we could heal each other…right?
Nope…that’s not how that works.
2 fires just start another fire.
This one was going to teach me a lesson of great value to add to my reportoire.
He was non committal, emotionally unstable and juvenile, Narcissistic, avoidant and operated from fear, envy and anger.
He placed ALL his past garbage onto my lap…lots of mental abuse and anguish for me to process.
Why would someone put so much effort into causing me so much harm…seems so redundant…why bother.
I didn’t value mental abuse…so I decided to stay away…for my own mental health.
I say this not to blame another…by the time we are @50 we ALL come with our own garbage…some worse than others.
I’ve had my share of emotional garbage.
Text book Narcissist or just damaged from the lack of healing from past relationships…the end result is still the same…more emotional carnage.
If we don’t take the time to heal and process our negative experiences…we propergate our garbage on to our next relationship.
You cannot place your car keys in the hand of an 8 year old and expect them to not crash your car.
Placing your life into the hands of an emotionally juvenile person is just that.
Emotional maturity comes from learning through our life experiences…you cannot learn this from a book or with an 8 year old mind.
Collateral damage…mental garbage…its part of our Soul’s growth.
