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How do we love….

We love in the same way we want to be loved.If you observe how your partner loves...you can tell how he or she wants to be loved.A smart partner will observe, learn and deliver.The '5 Languages of Love' is  a general guide of how your partner feels loved.The rest is up to you to figure out.A practical person will relate

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It’s not Personal….

People do what they do in the way they know how to do it, based on who they are and the information that is available to them from their own experiences. Even our beloved Narcissists, our regular garden variety arseholes, liars, cheaters and adulterers...do what they have experienced...they do what they know.They interact in the ONLY way they know how...that

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Great Expectations….

We ALL have expectations...from our family members, kids, friends, colleagues, employers, employees, pets etc.EVERYONE that we have a relationship with...we have expectations from them...and vice versa.I expect my dog to not shit on my carpet... because I trained him...those are my expectations.My dog expects me to feed him...because he trained me...those are his expectations of me.We have expectations from EVERYONE

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Self sabotaging behaviors…

We ALL come with self sabotaging behaviors that we have learned from our families, past relationships, for self preservation...etc.Some are more harmful than others. The epiphanies you have after being a part of a challenging Narcissistic relationship is well worth the horrific experience.It is a painful, foundation shattering experience...that I will absolutely NEVER repeat.Being dragged through broken glass is a

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Apologizing and Forgiveness….

You know a person has really changed when you get voluntary accountability...because they know their words are worthless at this point. Have you ever asked a toddler to say I'm sorry to another toddler?THAT is a meaningless apology...because they turn around and do the same thing again. Adults also behave in the same way. The Elements of a Good Apology...Say

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Learn…discern…rinse… repeat…

People who have been hurt find it very difficult to commit.For good reason.Once bitten twice shy.Unless they work on their pain and trauma and get rid of the baggage...without dropping it on to some one else's lap...it's going to reappear...its not going to disappear just because you want it to.It's takes a lot of effort and courage to heal.A hurt

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Living My New Reality

Integrity, Trust and Respect….

Having integrity means doing the right thing in a reliable way…even when NO one is watching. It's a personality trait that we admire, since it means a person has a moral compass that doesn't waver. It literally means having "wholeness" of character There have been many eye opening moments in my past 5 years.The biggest and the most distressing was

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Living My New Reality

Preposterous Decisions…

Now...my own story sounds so preposterous to me.With my blinders off...I can now see the WHOLE picture.Once the cognitive dissonance faded and I started seeing clearly...I wondered...how did I allow ALL this crap into my life and be ok with it. This is how...It's life long grooming...Life long grooming by family, environment, culture, country, husbands, relationships etc.My WHOLE belief system

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Living My New Reality

EVERYONE in your life serves a purpose….

Even a Narcissist serves a purpose...they are our BEST teachers.They are sent into your life to poke at your vulnerabilities.They too are soul mates sent to expose wounds for you to heal. Band-aids won't work anymore...It's major surgery.People are sent into your lives to mirror your core wounds to you.(not EVERYONE is a narcissist...some are just your plain garden variety

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