You know a person has really changed when you get voluntary accountability…because they know their words are worthless at this point.
Have you ever asked a toddler to say I’m sorry to another toddler?
THAT is a meaningless apology…because they turn around and do the same thing again.
Adults also behave in the same way.
The Elements of a Good Apology…
Say you’re sorry.
Not, “I’m sorry, but . . .”
Just plain ol’ “I’m sorry.”
Own the mistake.
It’s important to show the wronged person that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions.
Describe what happened…
Have a plan…
Admit you were wrong…
Ask for forgiveness…
First…taking responsibility for your actions is required.
Apologizing to someone is admitting to fault.
That takes a lot of courage and a person of Integrity to apologize.
Not many can do it…let alone do it meaningfully.
Oops I threw a rock at your head is much different from oops I trampled on your heart…and didn’t think twice about it.
So is Forgiveness a necessary part of healing?
Forgiving one’s own self is required for peace of mind and your own healing…but forgiving the other is not really necessary for you own peace of mind or healing…specially if they do not take responsibility for the harm they caused.
The degree of the harm caused will predict the degree and the need for forgiveness.
Time does not dictate forgiveness.
You cannot disappear from a person’s life and expect forgiveness 5 years later with no effort on your part.
Forgiveness is not responsive to time lapse…forgetting is.
Did they honor you or your feelings when they caused you harm?
Hummmm…NO.
So do they then deserve the honor of your forgiveness?
Hummmm…probably NOT…only YOU get to decide that.
No accountability and no remorse is a dangerous combination.
It gives the person free range of walking ALL over people’s lives with absolutely no repercussions.
Not everyone deserves forgiveness….
Forgiveness has to be earned.
Unchristian, unconventional perspective but more realistic…something to ponder upon.
