My project or yours…
The art of letting go…
It’s a learned skill…
It doesn’t come naturally…
I remember a ‘friend’ telling me ‘You don’t know how to let go’.
Huh!
THAT statement was absolutely true…
It was a very important realization for me…
Sometimes people say stuff that just clicks in your head.
That’s why I share what I share…something might just make sense to you at some point.
I found it very difficult to let go of people I ‘loved’ regardless of how they treated me.
I didn’t realize I had that option.
Ironically she was the first ‘loved’ person I knowingly let go of.
I’ve had to let go of many…
I still love them ALL…
THAT doesn’t change for me…
But I also had to let them go
She was what I considered a ‘lifelong’ friend…
I loved her dearly…
If I spent any extended time and energy on you it’s because I love you…even if it was through rose colored glasses.
I was with this person when Robbie died.
I had planned a trip with her to give myself a break because he was going into a clinical trial for a couple of months.
But that didn’t happen
I found out he had died when I landed in Punta Cana…after a cluster fuck series of unfortunate events and I couldn’t undo any of them…
I was stuck in the Dominican Republic…while he died alone.
I remember sobbing uncontrollably…all she said was…why are you crying…in a very harsh manner…as if I was sobbing because I just dropped my martini.
She was more concerned that her sandwich wasn’t up to her liking.
Given THESE particular circumstances or ANY circumstances for that matter ‘why are you crying’ is an awful question to ask a person who is sobbing out loud!
It means you are not ‘present’ with them in the moment because you just don’t give a fuck as to what is their plight.
But let’s talk about your stale sandwich why don’t we…
I knew I was in trouble…and alone.
Not the right or ANY kind of support at a grieving time.
Me remembering…this was a person who was in a relationship with an abusive husband who I pried off her while he was beating her disregarding my own safety…followed by more relationships with married men all her life and then cried on my shoulder for years…for support.
I am a ‘project manager’ and I wouldn’t deal with things in the way you did.
Her words⏫️ verbatim.
I was stupid…dead Robbie was
stupid…we were both stupid and much more blah blah garbage洛冷
I told her…I am not a ‘project’ and certainly not her project.
Besides I’ve had about 7 or 8 project managers throughout my life…I didn’t need another one…I needed a ‘friend’.
My words⏫️ verbatim.
Me thinking…how ’bout we recap your 35 plus year not-at-all stupid, winning streak era of dating married men…
Huh!
I didn’t consider this support…THIS was more pain…compounded.
If THIS was support I would be better off without it…wouldn’t I.
I could do ‘bad and sad’ all by myself…I didn’t need any additional help.
I let her go…after that.
She came back around a few years later when she had dug herself another ‘project’ hole looking for my friendship…again.
Huh!
This was not the first time she had done this to me…also not my first rodeo with dealing with this type of energy.
I did indulge her for a while until I realized we were repeating the same toxic cycle.
However…this time around the tables had turned…again…as they always do to show me the pattern…SHE was the ‘project’…again…she needed a shoulder…a good one…not the kind she was offering.
Life is funny that way!
I didn’t bite…I couldn’t!
My intuition wouldn’t allow me to.
My permanently rose colored glasses are now transistional…and more effective.
One-sided relationships are just not something I invest in anymore…I’ve had tons of them…I know what they look like…not my first rodeo.
Toxic one-sided cycles are repeated with friends, family and foe until YOU make them STOP!
When you get it…you get it!
These are the kind of people that ‘need’ you around to absorb the discomfort for them…but cannot/won’t offer the same in return.
When you let them go…they have to sit in the same discomfort that they were trying to hand off to you.
They get to deal with their own ‘projects’.
The people I was forced to let go of were the same people who taught me how to let go by giving me ample reason to let go of THEM.
***Apparently when you match people’s energy by treating them the same way as they do you…they don’t like it***
Huh!
We find out the true value of people in our lives under dire straits…
In fun times…EVERYONE is your ‘friend’!
The art of letting go…
It doesn’t make it easier or less painful…but it is doable when required and necessary instead of sitting in it endlessly.
A rough lesson…
