An object(person) being consistent or constant.
How do you know if you lack object constancy?
With a lack of object constancy, one may find it difficult to retain positive feelings about someone once they make mistakes or have disagreements within relationships. “If you do something they don’t like or are unhappy with or they notice a flaw, you suddenly become all-bad, and they devalue you.
Most of us can differentiate between when someone makes a mistake vs the entire person being rotten.
Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” is an expression for an avoidable error in which something good or of value is eliminated when trying to get rid of something unwanted.
A simplistic example…when a mom walks away from her baby…the baby cries…until she comes back…and then too the baby will throw a tantrum or ignore her to punish her for leaving…pets do that too…they cannot comprehend the absence…nor the fact that the mom will return to them.
They are not mentally equipped to resolve that conflict…they cannot comprehend that her absence doesn’t make the Mother ‘bad’.
***Narcissists like babies and animals lack object constancy***
It basically means having the ability to still have a positive emotional bond with someone when you are also feeling angry, hurt, or disappointed with them.
This particular cognitive skill develops around 2 or 3 years of age.
That’s why when there is any conflict of sorts they push you and run away.
They deem any conflict (usually created by them) that arises sufficient enough to dismiss the entire relationship/person as being rotten…hence the constant discards.
WE can differentiate between the 2 but they cannot.
The lack of object constancy in the narcissist’s mind means they cannot cope with the idea that the person they are dating doesn’t exactly fit into how their ideal mate should look, think, and behave. When they realise the person they are with is human, with faults and imperfections, that’s it. They move on to their next target, leaving the other person confused and heartbroken…repetitively.
How a person handles conflict is a very clear indication of how the relationship will progress…or not.
No conflict resolution skills will result in no conflict resolution and that will result in a toxic dynamic of the same reoccurring conflicts over and over with no resolution.
Ignoring conflicts is not a resolution.
That is a Narcissists specialty…ignoring…and no conflict resolution skills.
They regularly and randomly throw away the baby with the bathwater…until you do the same…justifiably so.
