I have always been a believer in a Higher Power.
After I got divorced, I jumped right away into a situationship…and everyone knows how that turned out.
It was rotten to the core…literally right from the start…
By the end of the ‘honeymoon phase’ of these types of connections which is about a month…it was rotten…but I was determined to ‘fix it’.
Why couldn’t I…after all I was so successful trying to ‘fix’ my 23 year old marriage 🙄
At that point I was sharing my experiences with my childhood friend Cathy Almeida.
She is also a firm believer…much more than me so she suggested praying.
She had sent me a prayer over email…I still have it with me…in print.
So I started praying…
It started with me praying for this person to stop treating me badly and 2 years later I started praying with the right intentions…for myself to be removed from this abuse…and stay gone.
My therapist who I was seeing the entire time also knew that I was trying to rescue myself in a very wrong way.
I was trying to adjust my mind in order to accommodate his abuse…gracefully.
Ironically the abusers words were exactly that…’if you change yourself I won’t behave like this’ 🙄
This was his pep talk after he tried to run me over with his car…because I questioned him for fingering the community tramp right in the front of me…but thankfully he missed hitting me…because I’m like a cat.
I was praying for the wrong intention to the right Source.
It took me a long time to start praying with the right intentions…and I was granted the right thing.
It was done in a very harsh way because I was not paying attention to what I was praying for.
You cannot pray for others to change their behavior or perception…but you can pray for yourself to change your own.
My prayers were like the sling shot that dropped Goliath.
Bullies only pretend to be giants…they are actually cowards.
The moral of my journey…
We may pray for intentions that may be wrong for us and wonder why they are not granted…
Here is the reason…you will ONLY be granted what is right for you and for your highest good.
Now my daily prayer is for peace of mind for myself and anyone else who has been through such an experience…because this kind of experience robs you of your mental peace…and THAT was their intention.
I had a lot of little helpers along the way.
Always grateful for my friend Cathy and my therapist on this journey of mine.
PS…
So with a lot of effort 6 years later I’m not the same naive person who would swallow that grade of manipulative bullshit…gracefully…thank goodness…
Always remember…Narcissists don’t change…they just force people around them to adapt to their abuse by demeaning methods…or they discard them and move on to their next victim who is oblivious to what they really are…
And for that too…I’m grateful…because the cat in me may not have been that lucky the next time he thinks of running me over with his car!
