Narcissists have only 3 steps…love bombing, devaluation and discarding.
Rinse and repeat.
It doesn’t matter if these steps are ALL with you or involves multiple people…it’s the same 3 steps.
When they are devaluing you they could be love bombing someone else.
It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or not…it’s just a compulsive need for attention.
I lived this….
Unwittingly…I did 9 cycles of this…they were quick and bewildering…with ‘good times’ sprinkled in-between to keep the game alive.
The last one was absolutely torturous and lasted 6 LONG months.
6 LONG months because I stayed against my better judgement…in confusion and disbelief.
I was catching on to his sick game and putting the pieces together in horror.
The jig was up!
So he pulled out ALL the Narcissistic discard low blows including triangulating others.
Which he did throughout the relationship anyways.
He started making cruel insults randomly to hurt my feelings…I looked old…I had aged 10 years in 1 year…just unnecessary cruelty.
His Valentine’s day plan?
He told me he was going to take me to Hooters to break up with me…while he threw the card I gave him at my face.
He then graduated to making sexually crude remarks to demean me.
He was Sadistic…he enjoyed watching me hurt.
He would say something really cruel and then kiss my hand…or pet me like a cat…or say ‘I love you’…watching my hurt face.
That technique is called mind fuckery…because your mind doesn’t know what to make of it.
I could not believe nor could I understand why he was doing all these things to me.
He was SO nice to EVERYONE else.
He broke up with me by telling me he had only used me for sex and had been dating someone else without sex because he would rather do that than be with me…his words verbatim.
When I called him out on his Narcissistic BS he tried to take away my livelihood and tried to get me arrested for close to a year.
That is a technique they ALL use when they are ‘leaving the building’.
Last ditch attempt at trying to drag your dignity through broken glass…and ‘doctor’ their public facade.
Though painful when it occurs…it’s rendered ineffective once you can identify this cruel technique.
You can’t see clearly when you are spinning inside the tornado.
So…Why was he doing this?
He was doing this because this is how Narcissists devalue and discard people…cowardly and with cruelty…before YOU dump them for their own bad behaviors.
They operate from a place of fear, disloyalty, and insecurities and are envious of their partners.
They only show their TRUE self to their partners…that way their fake public facade stays squeaky clean and safe.
THAT is their strategy.
Who would believe me?
They are not your typical garden variety arseholes…they abuse in repetitive cycles.
Spin cycles of Narcissistic Hell!
Most survivors do not recognize this as abuse until the damage is done…I was one of them.
My misappropriated sense of loyalty kept me stuck…with NONE of the same from him.
So why was I in this awful situation?
What was this cruel toxic teacher teaching me?
What was my lesson?
He was showing me exactly what kind of person to NOT allow in my life again.
He had warned me beforehand…he said to me “you are so kind and loving…some man is going to take advantage of you”…and then he did.
My lesson was to be mindful of who I give my trust, time, effort and loyalty to…and only give my energy to people who can match mine.
My lesson was to pay attention to red flags, constant lies, deception and betrayal…and NOT ignore them or make excuses on their behalf or allow them to blame you for their bad behaviors.
My lesson was to not mistake lust for love just because they say they love you.
My lesson was to protect myself against users and abusers regardless of their continuous BS excuses and denial.
My lesson was to not be deceived by the fake public facade he showed EVERYONE else…I had experienced the REAL person.
My lesson was to pay attention to my very loud intuition…and NEVER doubt myself.
My lesson was to remove my blinders and recognize the truth of my situation.
That was my lesson.
I lived this…
I finally got thrown out of the tornado and stopped spinning.
I was handed this diabolical ordeal as a learning experience and was Blessed with the guidance, strength and resilience to survive it.
My Truth…I NOW Live this.
